Reflecting on the life of my cousin Terry brings to mind the enduring struggles that have long plagued black families. In the face of societal ills like addiction, violence, and sexual abuse, being gay seemed to always be the ultimate sin. Terry's story mirrors the heartache felt by many LGBTQ+ individuals within our community, a tale of love unreturned and acceptance withheld. The pain of being othered by one's own family runs deep, wearing away at the spirit over time. Can we truly blame him for self isolating, trying to find his way in a world that failed to embrace him?

Like so many from his generation, Terry sought freedom in a new city, D.C. to be exact. Carving out a space for himself in the fast paced world of modeling, His striking features - a svelte frame, sculpted cheekbones, piercing eyes, and coiffed hair - set him apart as a true standout. And that walk of his? Smooth. When Terry entered a room, all eyes turned his way, captivated by his effortless charisma and presence.

I found echoes of Terry's experience In my own journey as I ventured off to college, seeking freedom but fearing rejection from my own family. I, too, began to withdraw, immersing myself in a world of self-discovery and my own trials. The news of Terry's passing hit me deeply, and his death-just like his life was shrouded in silence and secrecy. Was it shame that kept us from speaking his name? To this day, questions linger in my head about his life and the trials he faced in a less accepting time.

Through conversations with loved ones and chosen family, I pieced together fragments of Terry's story. The struggles he faced, the late-night phone calls with a glass of sherry wine in hand, slurred speech, the tears and heartache masked by the soulful sounds of R&B ballads by the likes of Phyllis Hyman, Luther vandross, Patti labelle- all painted a portrait of silent suffering and unspoken pain. Today, I choose to honor Terry's memory as a man of sophistication and class, captured in my artwork "Livin' all alone." This visual tribute, set in my auntie Betty's living room, Terri dressed in all black, gazing at the audience, phone in hand, as a beacon of remembrance and celebration of Terry's essence.

It is through Terry's legacy that I find the courage to embrace my own identity as a gay black man. I knew that despite the repercussions, I did not want to live my life in secret. In collaboration with Project OutLoud we shed light on Terry's brilliance, a star that was dimmed far too soon. Thank you, Terry, for the lessons you taught me in life and in loss. May your radiant spirit continue to shine brightly, illuminating the path for others to follow.

My new body of artwork titled “In Secrecy” Debut’s this fall here in Syracuse. This project was made possible in part by: Near Westside Initiative, Black Artist Collective, CNY Arts, Breadcrumbs Productions, ArtRage and the Central New York Community Foundation. To learn more about my work and the series, visit jaleelcampbell.com

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